The Impact of Grief in
Different Communities
Grief is a unique experience. There are numerous underlying factors that will determine your ability to process your grief and recover.
Some of these may include how someone died, whether you knew of their imminent death beforehand, your level of closeness, among other things. Due to this, everyone will feel their grief a little (or a lot) differently. However, societal impacts on grief seem to not be discussed enough. Whether it’s the denial of a “good death” or the repression of trauma, the complexity and nuances associated with grief are severely underrepresented in conversations about grief. Let’s break down what this means in the context of Western culture/society and use a couple specific examples to highlight the nuances that exist that go unacknowledged.
Not All Grief is Created Equally
Individuals from marginalized communities tend to have much different experiences with their grief compared to others due to a variety of institutional factors. Discrimination and trauma don’t stop at grief. Death happens to quite literally, everyone. Yet somehow, discussions of death, dying and grief tend to revolve around the straight, cisgendered, white experience under Eurocentric norms. This viewpoint can be most obviously observed in what is deemed a “normal” death practice. To most in North America, the societal perception of a typical funeral is a burial or cremation in addition to a service attended by friends and family. However, this generalization erases the mosaic of cultures that exist here, each coming with their own traditions and practices in memorialization. Due to the way the funeral industry is designed and even the Eurocentric laws, people are denied their traditions or feel pressured to assimilate with what larger society deems as “normal”.
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Unfortunately, this only scratches the surface. There is the disproportionate amount of death in the Black community due to police brutality, the immigrants and refugees who die in attempt to flee their countries and a higher likelihood that transgender individuals’ last rites will not be in alignment with their wishes. Larger social justice issues tend to bleed into the world of grief and death practices. Why does it seem like nobody is talking about it? The experiences of marginalized communities need to be equally represented in our conversations on death.
Organizations such as the Collective for Radical Death Studies (CRDS) seek to decolonize our conversations about death and radicalize the material that we use to educate others about death and dying. CRDS has put together a comprehensive list of books, videos, essays, blogs and more that approach death in a way that acknowledges the Eurocentric nature of death studies literature and places a spotlight on the systemic and colonial institutions that impact death and dying due to sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, classism and more. It is critical that we emphasize these experiences so people can understand the realities of death inequality and continue to advocate and fight for the dismantling of oppressive institutions and systems.
Example: The Black Community
In her book, Grieving While Black: An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow, Breeshia Wade tackles the relationship between grief and pre-existing power structures that impact the Black community. Wade spends a chapter of this book discussing the intersection of trauma and time. Time, to many, is seen as an objective, continuous line that contains all that has come before and all that has yet to come.
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Western culture and society are obsessed with time. How to make time, how to save time, how to plan time; the list goes on. This obsession with time is ultimately rooted in the fear of death. We have limited time on this Earth, and we seem to be terrified of wasting it. Even though time is quantifiable, the perception of time is not a universal experience.
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Wade expresses the sentiment that for Black people, time is not a given. Black people experience the robbery of time through lost moments of joy, lost time with loved ones, lost opportunities and lost years with a healthy quality of life. This time discrimination starts at a young age; Black children are not granted the luxury of ignorance and innocence. Where white children will likely first discuss death with their families through the passing of a grandparent, Black children are often first exposed to the subject of death by learning about the possibility of their own death. The conscious knowledge of your own mortality as a young child shapes your self-perception and limits your possibilities. This trauma is held on to and can manifest into a perpetual, unhealed grief. In addition to exposure to constant social or institutional racism, police brutality and stress, these factors all combine to increase the likelihood of an earlier death for Black people.
Example: The Transgender Community
Transgender individuals experience incredible difficulties in affirming their gender identities. This includes changes to legal documents, gender-affirming surgeries, severing toxic relationships, finding safe work opportunities and more. This same struggle is often present in death. In 2014, Jennifer Gable, a transgender woman, passed away suddenly in her early 30’s. Since her estranged father was listed as her next of kin, he was in charge of funeral preparations and requests. When Gable’s friends arrived at the funeral service, they saw Gable presented in men’s clothing with a short haircut. Additionally, Gable was only referred to by her name assigned at birth, despite legally changing her name during her transition. This act of transphobia is abhorrent, and unfortunately was not the first or last time something of this nature occurred.
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Unsupportive families of transgender individuals often partake in this dismissive behaviour. There have been incidents where birth families will step in, using the law, to take over claims from a spouse in order to dictate what is done with the body of the deceased. Not only is this awful for the deceased but it is an incredibly traumatizing experience for the surviving spouse and close friends. Spouses have also experienced employer’s withholding benefits upon the death of their partner due to the “inconclusive nature” of their gender. It is for reasons such as these that it is critical to put together your end-of-life plans far in advance and update them when necessary. Doing so can allow you to solidify a designated agent, who will legally oversee your funeral arrangements when you die instead of your next of kin.
Want to learn more?
Books
Grieving While Black: An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow - Breeshia Wade
Handbook of Social Justice in Loss and Grief - Darcy L. Harris & Tashel C. Bodere
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Videos
Why Are Black & White Funeral Homes STILL Separate? - Ask A Mortician
Protecting Trans Bodies in Death - Ask A Mortician
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Websites
Queer Funeral Guide - The Good Grief Trust
Radical Death Studies Canon - The Collective for Radical Death Studies
References
Davis, Simon. “Transgender People Are Misgendered, Even in Death.” VICE, 21 Jan. 2015,
https://www.vice.com/en/article/exm3v4/transgender-people-are-misgendered-even-in-death-120.
Wade, Breeshia. Grieving While Black: An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow. North Atlantic Books, 2021.